Democrat Platform
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With the Democrat Party convention looming ahead, let's have some fun and speculate on what might not be said....
- Iraq - although we strongly supported going into the war, we were misled because of the dozen plus violations of UN sanctions and restrictions and the faulty intelligence information that the Bush administration stubbornly continued to use from a previous administration we believed in. We strongly opposed the "Surge," but we are responsible for the possibility of pulling out troops earlier than anticipated regardless of the Surge success since we recommended pulling our troops out before the Surge.
A vote for us is a vote for our troops.
- Energy - although oil and gasoline prices were relatively low until we took control of Congress and pledged to resist any increases in domestic oil exploration and output, we know that we represent the hearts and minds of the working class despite any hardships they face. We will continue to oppose any energy policy based on oil because we want to save the planet and we see hope in the sun and change in the wind, in both of which we have personally invested and for which we will guarantee government subsidies, as the only viable means. We will mandate electric plug-in automobiles, but prohibit additional coal or nuclear power plants to provide the needed electricity... except for California which can import electricity produced from any type of power plant because California is a "clean" state that does not actually produce the electricity it needs.
A vote for us is a vote for our planet.
- Taxes - we will raise your taxes, but show you that relative to business and higher income taxpayers that your taxes will be lower. Then we will mandate that those businesses and higher income taxpayers create more jobs for lower income taxpayers who will then be able to afford the taxes.
A vote for us is a vote for more fairness.
- Health care - you'll all be covered and doctors will be required to accept our lower payments if they want you as patients.
A vote for us is a vote for a healthy tomorrow.
- Illegal immigrants - unjust laws must be changed and those who have been harmed by unjust laws that make them criminals must be "fast tracked" into citizenship where they will vote for those who support them.
A vote for us is a vote for fewer criminals and more voters.
- Unions - you are not required to join unions except if you wish to work, but we all know that working is strictly optional.
A vote for us is a vote for more benefits.
- Equal pay and discrimination - you will be protected against hiring discrimination if you are a woman or minority and you will be paid whatever anyone else is paid for your job regardless of your abilities or performance. You will have the right to sue if you do not get a job or get paid less than someone who is purported to be more qualified, and those who have oppressed you will have to prove their innocence which, de facto, cannot be done.
A vote for us is a vote for getting even... eh, getting equality.
- Military - we support our military except those who engage in corrupt wars against the oppressed started by Republicans.
A vote for us is a vote for world peace.
- Marriage and children - We believe in the sanctity of life and marriage as an institution of the family except where it interferes with those who do not.
A vote for us is a vote for more marriages and greater employment for lawyers.
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